Friday, August 5, 2011

Day 7 - The Unfamiliar Feeling of Such a Familiar Place

" Why are you so averse to moving back to France? It is your home after all!"

Granted my decade here has not quite exactly been a walk in the park, but the thought of moving back to France is just daunting to me. 

What people don't realize is that I have not lived in France as an adult. -Period- .

Everything I have learned, skills I have acquired, relationships I have made, networks I have joined, habits I have developed,...Were in the US. In other words, I don't know the French words to describe these skills in a CV (oh yeah what's a CV again??!!!),  I don't have these relationships in France, I can't imagine the concept of "a network" or "networking" is the same in France or even what networks are there? I could go and on with that list. But in a few words, it is like moving to a foreign country of which you have the passport and speak the language!!!! It is pretty wild and frightening.

It also means, that you are picking back up where you left things. I doubt that the 18 weeks I have spent in France over the last 12 years have managed to keep me abreast of the Pop-culture, socio-cultural codes and all of these elements that make you understand and appreciate a culture. My discouragement comes from the fact that I know exactly how much work and energy are involved in  knowing a country on that level, for one simple reason: I have done it before! Also, understand, that learning these new values is not synonymous of accepting them and there is a considerable amount of frustration that comes with learning something you disagree with or you have no interest in. 
I recall watching Saturday Night Live and other comedic shows on US TV for a solid two years and not ever once finding something funny. Yes, humor is largely based in the culture of a country. Now it is the other way around, people send me YouTube videos of things that aired on French TV and I ask them what I was supposed to "get" here?

I am in a point in my life where I crave to take things to another and improved level in different areas; financially and personally, to name a few; but I watch my life heading in a completely different direction, putting me years behind and  ahead of so much "work"; all of that just to become adequate again in my own country.

I see today that I have made a "really good job" at separating myself from my country and embracing America. As I contemplate what reinsertion will imply for me; I am seeing the other side of the coin of my "great American immersion".

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